Learn to choose wisely to live a better life
Choosing is the ultimate tool to live a better life. The power of wisely choosing can permanently alter your life for the better, while not exercising it or not mindfully can have the opposite effect. I discovered that after years living in a rush because I never had enough time to do all of what I wanted or needed.
I was studying foreign affairs and anthropology and my studies kept me busy, having to keep a GPA of minimum 4.0 (out of 5.0) to maintain my scholarship, as my University was expensive and my parents couldn’t afford to pay for it without that help. But in the middle of that mayhem, I realized something: I had to choose what to do and how to do it or, otherwise, my life would never have a second of peace, fulfillment or joy. Waking up at 4:30 or 5:00 a.m. almost every day, studying all day long at the University and then continue to do so at home until midnight or well past it and, in the last years, also being an assistant professor, researcher and academic editor at one Faculty while still attending classes at the other took its toll on me. That was at the tender age of 22 years old and had been going on progressively since I was 17.
Now I am 27, (slightly) older and wiser and I discovered the tool to manage my time: choosing. One day, I came across one quote about choosing what books to read, because time is limited and books almost aren’t. You’d better pick the good ones so you can make the most of your time reading them. This is not just limited to books, you can apply that piece of advice to every aspect of your life. I commenced to implement my newly discovered tool for clearing my email. I had it stuffed up with subscriptions about subjects I liked (mainly photography). I just happened to had subscribed to a lot of things I did not have the time to read. Plus, some of them were only sending me information on subjects I already knew about.
One good day this year I woke up decided to fix the problem affecting me for quite a few years. I knew my time was limited, so I needed to narrow down my options, to have more free time for both fulfill my responsibilities and devote time to my personal interests, as well as to adequately rest. I started by unsubscribing from most of the newsletters I received, only leaving the three more important and, even within those, I started selecting articles that were really going to have an impact. Everything related to something I already knew I would skip it.
Slowly, I started applying the same principle to other areas of my life: social gatherings, freelance assignment requests, volunteering opportunities, etc. I only undertook what I knew I could complete in the time I had or less. Choosing gets down to a very important ability most of us struggle to master: say no. In many of our countries (I am Colombian) our rules for courtesy indicate that we should politely accept certain offers or not deny certain help to people who request it, but extending that excessively has a tremendous impact on mental health, especially for someone already fighting issues on that field. Around the time I started working, in 2014, I used to go to many events I did not want to attend just because I thought I was supposed to, I agreed to help people when I didn’t want to or didn’t had the time to dedicate to them and I accepted more workload than I could handle from an abusive former boss.
When life was becoming unbearable, around March of 2015, I fortunately lost my job and had to dedicate to finish my anthropology B.A. between that time and 2016. I saw a miraculous change. As anthropology demands long time to do research reading, doing ethnography and writing your analysis, my professors had a lot more relaxed schedules and I could free up more time for myself, as I had more time in general. I actually started enjoying what I was doing, particularly the academic responsibilities I retained: editing the book we were producing and advising thesis.
I became conscious that time was limited, my energy and strength were limited and I could not control everything happening in my life. That realization freed my mind up and I became aware of the power I did have and it narrowed down to only one activity: choosing. To choose the people I shared my life with, to choose the kind of food I would eat, to choose the type of job I would like to accept, the times I would be available to work, etc. I had to lose that one job in 2015, to take and lose another one in 2017 teaching English, French, Latin and World History at a high-school, to endure certain hardships with my family and friends to finally take matters in my own hands and resolve to end the cycle of pleasing others or fearing what they would say and do. In the end, I would always be alone with my thoughts, fears, dreams, desires and hopes.
I am indeed living a more pleasant, joyful, fulfilled life now. I was offered a job I like (as a medical interpreter), which gives me a lot of free time and allows me to be in a position to make decisions, focus on the important matters of my own life and start building the foundations for what I want to live in the future. Learning to choose wisely what to devote my time to has helped me improve my quality of life and the general feeling of having some control over what I can do, which in turn boosted confidence and self-esteem. Give it a try, you won’t regret it.
